Q-BLOG #30 - Numbers

Numbers seem to have become a greater part of my life during this deployment. Each day in the Stars and Stripes newspaper the ever growing number of American soldiers who have died is reported. 2528 as of Thursday 29 June. 18,696 Soldiers have been wounded. 30 to 45,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed during the past three years.

Numbers and more numbers. Each, depending on context can tell the truth, form a lie, or create a diversion of perception or reality.

I am not always comfortable with numbers. I know that we use them everyday and in myriad ways. They help get us through our days and our lives. They are the things that help define us as a society. Numbers though can sometimes be so overwhelming that we begin to ignore them or give them different meaning.

Today I was hit by a song about a certain large number. 525,600 is the number. This song I know and enjoy and sometimes when I hear it, I cry. The song is from the Play/Movie/Soundtrack, RENT. It is titled, "Seasons of Love". It starts out with this huge number, 525,600.

"Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year"

Though this number is huge, the song allows you to break it down into a moment of life; a moment of living; a moment of death. That is what the play is about. Death. Life. Living. Each day, each week, each month and year we are given moments to create and to live. How do we measure those moments? How do we measure that year? The song goes on,

"In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights,

in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles

in laughter in strife."

Those words send me to a memory as a child when I would sit on the back porch of our home and watch the sun set. The colors, air and silence would move my soul. They send me back to a time in college when I was working at Safeway in Albuquerque, NM. I would work until 11:30 pm. Three of us did this almost every night. We were Jo, Ronnie and I. We would stand in the parking lot talking past midnight. Once in awhile we would decide to drive into the Sandia Mountains, go to the peak and wait for dawn so we could watch the sun rise. Cups of coffee always take me to Dallas with friends gathering at Starbucks or to Europe where going out for a cup of coffee was an event, especially Sundays, or Sunday morning breakfast at my parents.

"Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.

How do you measure a year in the life.”

Often times we, I, measure my life by things that I now see are/were not the best ways to measure my life-the right car, nice clothes, a nice home and nice things to put in it. I don’t believe it is bad or wrong to have those things. I do think that I’ve been using them to measure my life and for me I see that is wrong and not what my life is or should be about. What would be a better measure of life? The chorus of the song leads us to an answer.

“ How about Love
how about love
how about love
measure in love
seasons of love
seasons of love”

The old saying comes to mind. “It is better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all.” Some of us can get caught up in the numbers game even in love. We’ve loved “x” number of people; we’ve had this many boyfriends or girlfriends, or wives or husbands. I think what the chorus is saying, or at least what I hear it saying is simply to Love. Don’t count. Don’t stop. Just let love flow from you and let it flow to you. It is the depth of love that defines us best and the lives we touch and those that touch us.

Several friends in Dallas have included me in a sort of book club. They encouraged me to read a book with them so as a group we could discuss and engage each other in conversation. I was hesitant. I purchased the book and began reading. More important, I began thinking about what was written. The book is ‘The Success Principles’ by Jack Canfield, author of Chicken Soup For The Soul. There is a chapter in which the author asks you to write down 30 things you want to have, 30 things you want to do and 30 things you want to be before you die. I would challenge each of you to think about this in earnest and write them down.

“Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man”

Prior to my first deployment I became engaged in conversations about this war. I recall one conversation that surprised and shocked me. This person talked about how we should just blow up all these “diaper heads” and how they had no right or reason to even think about coming to our country, as the world would be better off with them gone” and “that should go for all immigrants”. The words may not be exact, but the message is the same.

Last week I was able to watch the movie, Hotel Rwanda. The message from that conversation a year ago crept into my consciousness. It is that type of thinking that brings war. That brings genocide. That prevents one group of people from having the rights and privileges of another and thus making them seem less human.. The measure of a woman or a man is not the race, the religion, the political group, the sexual identity or country they are from. The measure of a man or a woman is how they treat themselves and others in each of those Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes….year after year, moment after moment. The measure of a woman or a man is...

“ In truth that she learned

or in times that he cried

in the bridges he burned

or the way that she died “

Numbers can lie or tell the truth or take a life or define a life.

“Its time to sing out

though the story never ends

lets celebrate remember a year

in the life of friends”


525,600 minutes. How will you choose to live them going forward?

Choose love instead of fear….each and every minute.

Blessings,

Robert

Pieces of Humanity

I had written some poetry for my friend Jim's work "Humanity". As happens to me from time to time, I forget where I write things. That is the challenge with my 'life journal'. I have so many books and pieces of paper that I've written in or on, I loose track. So I wrote this MONTHS before the Humanity series came to be, right at the beginning when Jim had only sketched the pieces. Do you think I could find them when I needed to them to include in the show? No. I ended up writing totally different pieces (not totally different, but different). So I present here, more of that work from Humanity. This one, as the title of this blog describes, is Pieces of Humanity.

Pieces of Humanity

Diversity in Humanity
A sea of people reaching
for some sanity.

A piece of Humanity...
yearning for solidarity
marching in the streets
of towns....asking...
praying for Peace.

Silent marches of unseen hearts...
Loudly catching the sounds of
war in our world...

Yet...we continue marching on
toward peace....
for Humanity.

Copywrite 15 Nov 05
Robert Quintana
Dallas, TX

Q-BLOG #29 Love and Fear

I received an email from my former partner/companion. I had not heard from him in quite some time. I was amazed at the rush of emotions that came to the surface in just seeing his name. I thought about our relationship and the things we shared, the things we didn't and how, when you love someone that much, it can come to an end. Of course mistakes were made, feelings were hurt and a host of other things happened to separate us. Yet, this emotion rises in me each time I see him, hear his voice or see his name. And always, I tell myself I need to let go and move on. I would say I've been successful on occasion, but mostly I have not. Somehow, though it is different, this love has survived.

I am reminded each time this happens what I learned as a child. We were told, "God loves you so much, that no matter what you do, he will always remember you and be with you." Can you imagine that kind of love? Can you even fathom the incredible power of that love? No fear, just love. No fear, just forgiveness. No fear. No fear. No fear.

There were two articles in the opinion page of The Stars and Stripes not long ago. They caught my interest because the views being expressed were in regard to Fear. Bill Tammeus' opinion was titled, "Be afraid of a fear rooted in ignorance..." with a quote from Franklin D. Roosevelt next to it, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." The second opinion/view was from Alberto J. Mora and the title was a continuation from the first title and went, "...and of what happens when fear clouds judgment." You can go the Stars & Stripes Mideast Edition on line and read the entire article (Thursday June 1, 2006, OPINION). I've included a few highlights from both viewpoints. (www.estripes.com)

First from Bill Tammeus:
" Fear, the man says, is at the center of religion today. Fear makes us wary of anyone outside our circle. It makes us draw that circle ever tighter. It spills over into all of our lives so we move into gated communities, buy costly security systems and allow our government to infringe on our civil liberties in the name of security." " ... Fear, after all, has helped to create the poisonous atmosphere in which today's political and religious rhetoric simply drips with anger and hatred. What we need to hear, I think is in the spirit found in this passage from the New Testament book of 1 John: ' There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.' " " But fear that locks down our hearts and makes security an idol is a destructive force that builds high walls instead of wide bridges...This kind of fear suggest we aren't interested in truth beyond our version of it because we are falsely confident about that version. It says we don't see others as brothers and sisters. It says we are unwilling to take risks to help others."

From Alberto J. Mora:

"In regard to detainee abuse and the infamous decision by the US courts to place American citizens of Japanese ancestry in detention camps knows as the Korematsu decision. ' Korematsu reminds us that when threats and fear converge, our laws and principles can become fragile. ' " "Our forefathers, who permanently defined our civic values, drafted our Constitution inspired by the belief that law could not create but only recognize certain inalienable rights granted by God--to every person, not just citizens, and not just here, but everywhere. Those rights form a shield that protects core human dignity. In this war, we have come to a crossroads: Will we continue to regard the protection and promotion of human dignity as the essence of our national character and purpose, or will we bargain away human and national dignity in return for an additional possible measure of physical security? Why should we care? We should care because the issues raised by a policy of cruelty are too fundamental to be left unaddressed, unanswered or ambiguous. We should care because a tolerance of cruelty will corrode our values and our rights and degrade the world in which we live. It will corrupt our heritage, cheapen the valor of the soldiers upon whose past and present sacrifices our freedoms depend, and debase the legacy we will leave to our sons and daughters."

How do we move from our fears in life to a less fearful place? I'm not sure, but I believe if we maintain respect and dignity for ourselves and others, in the face of fear, we will make the right choices and decisions that lead to a less fearful place. If we lose respect for ourselves and others we begin to make choices and decisions that lead us toward more fear. I am reminded of Peter the apostle. After Christ was taken into custody and as others saw Peter and questioned whether he in fact was a follower of Christ, he did the thing that he swore to Christ he would never do; he denied he knew Christ. He was afraid. Because of his denial he lost some self respect and dignity. He would make different choices in the future.

As a privileged people in the world, Americans have choices that many in the world do not. It is because we have those choices that we also bear the burden of insuring "certain inalienable rights granted by God--to every person, not just citizens (of the U.S.), and not just here, but everywhere.", are protected and provided. We have the power, the wealth and the knowledge to make decisions that are not based in fear.

I don't know if they have anything to do with each other, but the emotion that rises in me when I hear from my former partner is similar to when I hear about an act of kindness extended to someone in need. Maybe it is similar because of the memory I have as a child, "no matter what you do or who you are, God loves you". As an adult I've come to understand that each of us comes from the same place, that we are connected to each other and what we do to each other represents our understanding or lack of understanding of Love, or God, or the Universe and how we fit in. Fear is always with us as Peter can well attest. So is forgiveness and Love. We will most likely continue to make decisions out of fear. Our opportunity exists in how we respond after making those decisions. Will we move in the direction of Love and forgiveness or continue to make decisions from fear?

I close this with a quote from one of my favorite movies, Spiderman.

"With great power comes great responsibility"

Make choices out of love, overcome fear. Remember that we have been given much and so much is expected.

Blessings and Peace.

Robert

Sacred Heart

This poem is inspired from a piece of artwork by Billy Miller. Visit his Blog at www.whimblog.blogspot.com

Sacred Heart

Waking up from a dream
a thought of what the world could be
I see this red before my eyes...

It is not an angry red.
It is not an evil red.
It is the red of a heart open...

A heart beat is felt,
the sound sends a pulse thru the universe
and the red corpusles form the Spirit's crystal

This red before my eyes, before my mind
appears as an apple in the abstract,
suddenly halved and quartered and divided into itself..

creating a crystalline structure
connecting all elements to itself
and to the world outside of itself

A Sacred Heart is forming
and dividing itself into the unique
crystal's of the spirit that are you and I.

Each breath that comes
Each exhale made
Sends the crystals out into the world...

to connect and form
other crystals of the spirit
to create and renew this Sacred Heart...

that is
you...and
I


Robert L. Quintana
11Jun2006, Baghdad, Iraq

Non-Violence manifesto

I've just read "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. This book was recommended to me by my friend Jim. I do find that there is a reflection or maybe a shadow of me in the pages, especially regarding anger. Today I was reading a daily devotion and it was about non-violence. I read the 6 steps/guides for those who advocate non-violence, and in a way, it related to "A Million Little Pieces" ended. I share them below:

Nonviolence is a way of life for courageous people.
Nonviolence seeks to win friendship and understanding.
Nonviolence seeks to defeat injustice, not people.
Nonviolence hold that suffering can educate and transform.
Nonviolence chooses love instead of hate.
Nonviolence believes that the universe is on the side of Justice.

I would change two things. I believe that living in joy can educate and transform as well, or better than suffering.

Secondly, I would replace hate with fear. Nonviolence chooses love instead of fear.

That is it.

Choose love over fear. Live a life of joy and be a light to others.

Robert

Q-BLOG #28

Safety Net

Last Blog I wrote about Empty spaces and how I felt we needed to make some in our lives. A friend of mine, Marianne, wrote me and told me that she felt there was no such thing as an empty space. That every space was filled with something and we only needed to choose what that something was and place it or replace it.

It made me think about what was in ‘empty space’. My thoughts were with my as I strolled around Liberty Lake. During that walk I took in what most would consider ‘empty space’. On closer inspection, this space was actually filled. It was overflowing with things that often go unnoticed, maybe unappreciated, or even forgotten. Maybe these things were so much a part of me already that I did not recognize them as something outside or separate from myself.

I’ve written several Blogs and have mentioned several friends and family in them. And as I re-read those Blogs I realized that there were empty spaces. But they weren’t empty. They were filled with friends and family who were there, hidden in the letters of every word. They were the apostrophes and commas, the periods and the question marks. They were and are in fact the background for all that I’ve written. These ‘spaces’ are my safety net. People who are a part of my life in a way that is not always bold or exciting, yet they are always there. They are there when you return after being away for 6 years or 10 months and insure you have something to do on a Friday night or help you paint your house or fix your plumbing. They are there to clean and sell your house after a break up and you are out of the country. They make you or invite you to breakfast or lunch or dinner just to visit. They are there to watch your dog or your house or your car; to hold you when the world seems to be falling around you, to help you build a deck or go out with you to cycle, run, climb or jump out of a plane. They are there to hear your sad or happy story for the 100th time. They are there to bring you a bottle of wine and a card that say’s “you are special and loved and blessed” and at the moment you don’t feel like you are any of that. They are the people who let you dance your heart away while they talk to and keep your date company and assure him that its ok, and I just really like to dance. These exclamation points and commas help you challenge yourself to new adventures and give you nick names and want you to preside over their wedding. When you forget their birthday, anniversary or other celebration, they forgive you and love you anyway. They are the people whose homes you go into and open the refrigerator door and help yourself. The phone rings or a letter comes after you have been thinking about them or they light a candle for you, say prayers for you and continue to be part of that space that is not empty, but filled with love and hope and dreams.

These are the people who are such a part of my life…and your life, that you don’t even think to mention them, because your voice and words, are indeed their voice and their words. I understand what Marianne means about the empty space not being empty. It is an invisible net filled with people that are part of your life, that are part of my life.

The movie, “About the Boy” is about discovering that family is really more than blood. We create families outside of our blood families. We form our safety net and become part of a safety net, though it may not be for the same people that are part of our net. It does not need to be. It is not always exciting or glamorous or funny. It is rewarding and fulfilling, challenging and hard work. It is part of who and what you are and become.

I have always enjoyed and been privileged to be friends with a diverse group of individuals who have challenged my ways of thinking, of acting and being. I look at them today and see that I am indeed a reflection of the collective. Each of my friends and family has contributed to who I am today. I am indeed blessed to call them friends and family.

Take a moment and think about the people who create the letters for your words and the voice for your heart. The people who challenge you, cheer for you and support you. Those who hold you, comfort you, cry with you and laugh with you. They are in those ‘empty spaces’, the background, the safety net that allows you to go out on the tightrope of life and swing and jump and live. Because you know if you fall, they will be there. And if you make it big…they will be there. And if you just make it across life struggling, trying to balance it all out…they are there.


Blessings and Peace…and Safety nets and Empty Spaces

Robert