QBLOG #37 Dust in the Wind

I close my eyes
Only for a moment, then the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind, ohh

Now, don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
The wind

- Kansas -


Something always prompts a Blog. Today it is literally dust in the wind. I woke to a relatively cool morning shadowed by a sky filled with dust. This was not a normal dust storm that either slowly encompases you nor the kind the rushes thru eliminating you vision for several minutes. This is the type that is rolling around the ground trying to mold itself into the shape of a bowl, leaving the area above open with a hint of blue. It remains even thru the afternoon, though with less form, less purpose.

Friday was another one of those big BANG! BOOM! BAMM! days. It was a clear day. Beautiful. Then the bombs and gunfire broke the beauty of the day. Today though, has been quiet. The dust filled air acts like a silencer or a protective coat of space. It made me think of the movie, THE MUMMY. That made me think about the once great civilization of the Egyptians. The Pyramids and how the sand overtime has covered them. Hidden them. Taken them back. That fine dust and the wind that blows it over and thru and into all that is in its path. Retaking all and molding it back into its own form.

We have all heard the phrase, "From dust we came and to dust we shall return". You feel the possibility even the likely hood of that here. Through the mayhem, the bombs, even the laughter and joy, the struggles and accomplishments, through it all you feel that in the end we all return to dust. It makes you wonder what the purpose of our life our fighting our loving our death is really about. Are we an experiment placed here to work out the kinks of some greater function?

Growing up I recall being taught the importance of history and how we can and should use our history to insure we don't repeat mistakes. As I have grown in years I see that it is more likely we use our history as a guide to repeat them. Maybe it is because history is never a simple truth. It is a one sided view, normally that of the victor, and seen from the viewpoint of rightousness given that victory. And yet in all history, in all events, everything returns to its beginning.

Many native cultures believe(d) in the concept of all things having a soul. As one would (should) respect and honor the soul of a human, one would (should) also honor the soul of all things. Taking what is needed, but no more. Thanking the other soul for the sacrifice and blessing of what it provided. Doing this knowing that in the end the sacrifice and blessing would be returned. It is the circle of life. Our place in it helps to define who we are and how we remain in the circle and form it.

From the movie, THE LION KING

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

We so often forget that we are indeed part of this circle of life and as such, forget to honor and respect all that are part of this circle, thus causing imbalance. Do you recall the scene in THE LION KING when the Hyenas basically ruled and the land was barren? I must be in movie mode because so many movie themes kept popping up. The first was actually POCAHONTAS and the song, "Colours of the Wind". The words are so filled with spirit that it is difficult to deny or ignore their importance and their claim. I end this blog with the lyrics to the song and with a thought. When you are out in the natural world, do you not experience a feeling of oneness and of peace? For me there is a connection it all. I hear the voices of the wind the trees the river. I know if I listen carefully, I can hear more and realize that I shall return to that which I was born into.

"Colors of the Wind" from the movie POCAHONTAS

You think you own whatever land you land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or have the Eagle tell where he's been?
Can you sing with all the voices of the moutnain
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind

How high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon

For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind


May you find your colors to paint the wind and more in this circle of life.

Robert

QBLOG #36 - Knock! Knock!

"Knock! Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Death."

"Death Who."

"Just Death."

"What do you want."

"You. It's time."

"No, no way....I can't go now. I've got too much I still want to do. No...not yet. ..please! "

"Sorry, it's time...."

I'm walking around Lake liberty and this knock knock joke comes to my head. The scenario was a bit different, but it made me think. It made me think about death. Not that there isn't enough in Iraq to make me think about it. But this is about my own mortality. My death. Am I ready?

I was watching the X-games the other day. The segment being shown is where participants were doing these incredible stunts on motorbikes. I believe it is called Moto-X. One of the contestants, Travis Pastrana was a contender for 1st place. The competition was incredibly tough. He stated that he might attempt to do a double back flipon his bike. This was something unheard of! No one else had attempted much less thought of doing a double back flip. He told his mother and father, who were there, that he loved them and if anything happened to him they should know that he absolutely enjoyed his life and what he was doing. They interviewed him just before his final jump. He said that if he completed it, the jump would be incredible and if he didn't he would either be dead or severly injured/crippled. As other contestants took their turns he cheered them on. He would get excited at their stunts and risks they took. He was excited about life and about what he was doing. Everyone in that arena and on television could feel his excitement and enthusiasm for life.

There is something about knowledge of death that I believe creates some sort of motivation; some sort of understanding about life. I've seen it affect people in ways that are incredible and positive. I believe there must be a lust to life in the people I've seen it affect. An example would be my friend Jim Frederick. He has been near death, but fought back from it and not only survived, but created a successful life for himself. Those of us who have layed witness to Jim's life have been affected by it and by his enthusiasm to make every moment count. It lets us know that we should be prepared for death, but we should also be prepared to live life.

Maybe some of you have watched the show, "Super Nanny". I watched my first show two days ago. It is a show where a professional nanny shows up and helps parents, well, train their children. The thing I found most interesting about this episode was 'success' seemed much easier than you'd think. Yet the parents in this instance fell back to unsuccessful behavior even though it seemed more difficult and produced horrible results. How does this and death come to be in the same blog? I believe as much as we fear death, we fear success. We train ourselves to NOT be successful. Maybe we are trained. I'm not really sure. We seem to choose a more difficult route. When I saw these kids and how they reacted to positive reinforcement and rebelled when there was little or negative reinforecement, it made me think about reasons we are afraid of death. Maybe somehow it equates to success in living.

My friend Linda Davis and I used to walk around Lake Liberty last year when we were both in Iraq. During those walks we had many great conversations. One in particular was about success at work. We were discussing performance evaluations and she told me she really payed no attention to them. I laughed and told her I didn't believe her. She went on to tell me her work story and history of the many times she got passed over even though she knew and felt she was the more qualified person for the job. If she had let evaluations be important to her it would have ruined her. She would have put stock in what was written. She knew she was better than the evaluations would ever be. So she didn't put stock in them. She worked and did her best everyday and proved to herself that she was a success. If no one else wanted to believe that or take note of that, it was ok because she knew.

It has been sometime since I read "The Greatest Miracle in the World" by Og Mandino, so details may be a bit sketchy. There is a moment in the book where the messiah is being crowded by throngs of people. They are asking him what they need to do in order to be saved. They tell him they will suffer many ways.
They will do penance. They will do difficult things, give up things, torture themselves, beat themselves-- if only he would tell them what or how they needed to suffer to reach a state of grace. The messiah turns to the throngs and tells them simply, "Be happy". They are silent. They are stunned. Be happy? "Be happy". Sometimes that is the most difficult thing for us to do. It is also the simplest. Be happy.

Travis Pastrana was geared up and ready to go...to take the ride of his life, to risk it all. He had this incredible smile on his face and a glint in his eyes. This was literally do or die. He revvved up his bike and off he went. The first flip, perfect....still going into the second flip.....the bike starting to come around ......Whammm! both tires touch the ground and the crowd roars with excitement and applause, everyone is crying. I'm crying. There is so much happiness and relief. Travis succeeded. He was living life out loud and to its fullest. He knew the risks, but he didn't take them lightly. He was not afraid to succeed. He was not afraid to die because he lived his life fully everyday. He was happy.


"Knock! Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Death."

"Hey bud, what's up?"

"Just checking in."

"Cool, wanna catch some air with me? Maybe live it up a notch?"

Life. Success. Death. Failure. Happiness. Life. Death. We have a circle that we must complete and we have choices on how big, small, colorful or bland that circle is.
I've feared and yet called death to me in my life. Not anymore. I used to think that there were parts of my life, if I had the chance, I would change. Not any longer. Certainly not now. Everything....EVERYTHING I've done in my life has prepared me and made me the person I am today. And I like...no I love the person I've become amd am becoming. I'm letting myself follow paths that I was afraid of before. I still have fear in my life, but that is all it is - fear. It's not the end of the world. But if it were, I'm ready. I'm happy.

Blessings, Peace, Success and Happiness.

Robert

Sleepless

Sleepless nights
restless days
fighting to stay awake...
praying to sleep thru at least one night.

My mind's not right
my thoughts are askew
my heart's breaking
my soul's reiterating.

This dream I'm having
this dream I'm in
the days and the nights
frankly it's a little more than frightening.

Awake or Asleep...
I'm not sure of what
the time or the place is...
but it's always present and fills the
space....between sleep and wake.

Is it the future?
or maybe a recent past?
Maybe it's neither,
simply a mirror or my own mask.

Sleepless days...
restless nights...
I fight my way to the task
and remove this mask.


06Aug2006
Baghdad, Iraq
Robert L. Quintana
All rights reserved

...and I wonder

I wonder near and far
from this place in time and space.

I wonder high and low
from my view of the land in sight

I wonder what the world
will bring to me and my kind

I wonder if ever there were
acts that defined a word that we say 'love'

I wonder what the meaning
is in this volatile world that seems bent on...

I wonder then what acts
defined the word we name 'hate'

I wonder if they are not the
same, this 'love' and 'hate'?

I wonder who saw peace, and
was it before or after war?

I wonder why there always must be
one side to challenge the other.

I wonder what side am I?
the one that see's the hate or the one that acts from love?

I wonder if in reality,
my idea of a single side is fantasy?

I wonder so much that I'm lost
in the passion of the thought,

wondering past the reality of the moment
and seeing only what I wish the moment to be.

I wonder.

Robert L. Quintana
5 Aug 06
Baghdad, Iraq

Q-BLOG #35 Reality Check

Reality Check

Each Tuesday we have a staff meeting with each department providing updates or feedback on their area of responsibility within Iraq and or Kuwait and Afghanistan. We normally start the meeting off with a briefing from our Military Liaison. He reviews daily temperature highs, road conditions, the number and type of attacks that have occurred the previous week and information that we may need to prepare for possible attacks. During his briefing this past Tuesday we had two mortars hit. One hit close enough to break up our meeting. We thought it hit just behind the PX. It did not, but the BOOM! was loud enough and the plume of smoke near enough that our thoughts were such.

On this same day we were leaving the DFAC after lunch. We must cross the main road leading in/out of Camp Liberty. There is always quite a bit of traffic, mostly Humvees and civilian vehicles. Today we had one of those sobering sights. There were several military 18 wheelers carrying loads of Humvees and tanks that had been destroyed or damaged by IED's. It is a hard thing to see. Reality is suddenly right in front of your eyes and your thoughts immediately wonder who was killed or hurt in these explosions. I say killed or hurt, because by the damage you see to the Humvees and the tanks, it is obvious that some were killed and others most likely survived but with injury. It is a hard thing to see and yet it is a reality check.

Victory Base Complex (VBC) consists of 5 different Camps. Liberty, South Victory, Striker, Slayer, ATOC. In essence it is a small city. As one person stated, we are the largest trailer park in the world. There are over 50,000 people residing on VBC. It is considered by most, one of the safest places in Iraq. We are only 15 minutes from central Baghdad, right off Baghdad International Airport where the "most dangerous road in the world" runs right through VBC. It is easy to become complacent here. You go to work. You eat. You go to the gym or stop by the Green Beans coffee (which is opened 24 hours) to remove yourself from the war outside the walls. You visit one of the swimming pools at any one of the 3 palaces. You shop at the PX which inside looks just like one of our stores back in the states. You try to escape from the war raging around you. You often succeed. And then the mortar hits close. The Patrols come in and those soldiers look exhausted. The Convoy's come in and fill up the parking lot of the PX, these soldiers coming from FOB (Forward Operating Bases) throughout the country where they may not have a PX. You hear their road stories. You see blown up Humvees and tanks being carried off. You walk past memorials to soldiers who have died in combat. You can run, but you cannot hide. Reality check.

I sometimes wonder if we don't need something back in the "real" world to provide a reality check. Maybe it happens and we don't always realize it. We become complacent in our jobs and our lives and our relationships. We try to escape some of the realities of the world and go shopping, go clubbing or hide ourselves away trying not to let the raging war around us seep in. It is a different type of war, but a war just the same. I wonder if we even see it that way? I know I didn't. I know that I became complacent and tried to hide myself in other things. My reality check was Iraq. Is Iraq. It helps me focus on what reality is and what fantasy is. It helps me understand myself and my relationship to the world and others. Bombs explode trying to provide reality checks. Storms and fires and floods and the list goes on. I think it is natures way. A way of cleansing. A way of keeping in check, reality.

There is a place to snow ski here in the middle east. It is in Dubai. They have basically created an oversized freezer box and placed a mountain in it with snow. There is a bobsled run and a ski slope. For $35 US, you can spend 2 hours skiing. Ski's and clothing included. It is so easy to escape from the reality of the 120-140 degree heat outside for a few hours. It is easy to find yourself believing that you are somewhere else instead of the Middle East. Yet you must come down from the mountain and go out into the reality of where you are. It is a fitting contrast. It is a perfect example of life. Even as I sit in the reality of Iraq, I know some of it is indeed fantasy and I will return to the reality/fantasy of Dallas. The difficulty is in understanding the difference between a war that is physical and one that is psychological. Either way, you cannot become complacent. You must always be prepared for a reality check.

Blessings and Peace.

Robert

Q-Blog #34 It's all about the soldier...

It’s all about the soldier…


In the past few weeks as we began our planning for fall and winter in Iraq one theme has continually repeated itself in conversations, “It’s all about the solider" (and the airman, the sailor, the marine). As we go into our third year supporting our customer’s as they fight this war, we must continue to renew our commitment and focus about why we are here.

As a team, as a group as an individual on the ground in Iraq, Kuwait, Afghanistan and Africa we are moving toward a more mature environment yet we continually face unexpected challenges. Still, our focus and commitment must remain to those we serve; to bring a little bit of home to this place where death, injury and mayhem are daily realities.

I was asking a couple of folks about their previous experiences in what we call contingency areas…Bosnia, Kosovo, the Gulf War and OIF/OEF. It was incredible to hear stories about what individuals and groups did to insure we provided service and had merchandise available to soldiers. Creating a P/X or B/X out of whatever scraps of wood or metal you could use as shelving or pallets as floors. Stories of how people were dropped out in the middle of nowhere as the only American with a few third country nationals and built a P/X. How you wait for your re-orders of merchandise to come in to camp and how the soldiers line up for hours waiting to come in, they help you stock your shelves then shop and at the end of the day, the merchandise is gone.

We go where you go. That is what we say, it is our motto. It is what we do. And we do go where they go. You will see an AAFES trailer attached to a military vehicle in a military convoy arriving with the troops. If it is not a full blown P/X, or a tactical field exchange , than it is an imprest fund run by the military in areas where civilians are not allowed. You see soldiers carrying their merchandise in AAFES bags as they load up their tanks, Humvees and BlackHawks. We go where they go. It is why we exist.

This is my third time in a contingency area and each time I have been overcome with emotion by the simple “Thank You for being here” from a soldier, airman, marine or sailor. “Thank You”. Who would ever think that two simple words would create the flood of emotion that they do? Ask any person who has served our customer in these locations and they will tell you the same.

Often times, because of the environment we are in, you have to think and do things way outside of the box. You learn to do whatever is needed and when your focus is on the solider and serving them, you do the right thing. You do what you can to get what they want…because each day they go out and risk their lives. Each day you wonder if they will be back. So you do what you must to serve them. It is all about the soldier. And if you think it is about anything else, than you should not deploy. You should not work for this company. That does not mean that each of us does not have our own personal reasons for coming here….for being here. We do. But in the end, what you do in your job, what you do and work toward every day is all about the soldier. Period.

Hoooaah!

Robert