QBLOG#15- Dreams

Q-Blog #15 Dreams

Dreams

Sometimes...
Days pass....thru the night.
I look in my dreams
for that shining light.

All my instincts ...
Catch me when I fall
in my dreams...
As I reach out from
the inside...

To stop myself from falling...
In my dream
of the day...
That I dreamt of
the night

That I found that shining light.
In my dream..
Of dreams.
In the night.

26 July 2003, Starbucks, Dallas, TX
Robert Quintana


Days quickly pass into nights here in Iraq. No day is different from the next, and yet, they move quickly. There has been a 100% increase in VBIED’s (Vehicle Born Improvised Explosive Device) over last month. That statistic was brought to home to me this morning as I was walking out of the DFAC. There was a group of soldiers in front of me. As part of the military uniform requirement, the pant part must go inside the boot. I looked down at their boots because I saw writing on the top of the boot near the calf. The writing was blood type and last name with last four digits of, I assume, their SS#. There is no other reason for this than to insure that if a leg is blown off in an attack, it can be easily identified with the dog tags on the person’s body. It could help save a leg, or a life.

We rarely have mortar attacks these days. The insurgents seem to be focusing on disrupting Iraqi civilian life. We have heard that military convoys remain targets as do some installations in northern Iraq. Taji, Mosul, Fallujah continue to have mortar attacks and are now under watch for chemical bombs. We have been alerted that it may be extended to the Baghdad area. The heat is rising on many fronts and we are trying to best prepare for it. Life does go on as best it can.

Last week I had the privilege of visiting one of our Imprest Funds at a LOG base site. An Imprest Fund is basically a mini PX run by the military in areas that are too small to support a full blown PX. Most of these sites are in more dangerous areas. The one I visited was right outside the gates of Camp Liberty. I was being kidded by several of my colleagues because when I was first asked about visiting this site, the image of mortars and constant firing of guns entered my mind. You are not able to enter one of these places without a “shooter”. That is, someone carrying a weapon. Three of us went. Rick Mora the General Manager, myself, and our military liaison, LTC Cobb, our shooter. It was an interesting adventure. The wall is right there. It surrounds you and you see it every direction you look. Tents are everywhere. Tanks, and Hummvees and cargo trucks are parked every which way. There is a different feeling here. It is not tense, but it is not relaxed. We walked in to the tent that held the Imprest site. It also held the gym, phone center, recreation center, and internet café. Soldiers were busy working out, communicating on the phone or PC or were just hanging out reading a paper back book or newspaper. In here, the atmosphere was very relaxed. The AAFES Imprest site was run by a soldier. The PX had very limited hours. Walking inside it reminded me of a mom and pop store back I frequented when I was a kid. Romero’s was the mom and pop store. It carried a little bit of everything, but mostly snacks. That is what this little store reminded me of. In many ways this little PX is an oasis in the desert of this camp that sits on the perimeter of danger. It is a place to get a candy bar and a soda and escape from the reality just outside these walls, outside this tent.

In our staff meeting today we learned that 27 people were killed in Iraq yesterday. Most of these were killed in the Baghdad area. Three were American soldiers. There are approximately 400 incidents a day in Iraq. An incident can be as little as a small arms attack or as big as a car bomb. Eight car bombs went off yesterday in the area surrounding the capital city. The writing on top of the boots came back to me. A constant reminder that this war is near and touches us...and it is not at all close to being over, and more will die. A pair of boots with a name, a number and blood type will be lost.

Mornings at the gym and the DFAC eating breakfast are still quiet times for me. I continue to see these young men and women working out or eating breakfast on their way in or out to patrols in the city. Baghdad. Pictures of traffic stopped and Hummvee’s in the median come to mind. I see young soldiers with their rifles out preparing to fire a shot if they feel they must. I can see the city in my mind as if I were in the Black Hawk and know where the dangerous areas are just by looking. I imagine how a VBIED went off last week and created a huge plume of black smoke and shook our trailers. The BLIMPS we have on the perimeter walls searching for electronic signals indicating IED’s and their transmission back to radar hill and on to the Howitzer’s; these are constant reminders of a war not yet won.

Yet, we are seeing a more mature environment. Our stores are managing inventories better. We opened a Seattle’s Best Coffee house and Cinnabon this week to the delight of the soldiers. AAFES in conjunction with MWR is showing movies for free in front of the PX 3 nights a week. We provide an escape from this war; from this environment, for the soldiers and for ourselves. It is not the merchandise or the food that the soldiers want. It is the feeling that they are not here. They are back in the U.S. some where. Some where, other than here at war. And so we dream dreams in the day and the night, of places we want to be and of people we yearn to see. We dream these dreams to stop ourselves from falling….down. We see the light and we find comfort and are able to spend another day here in Iraq.


Blessings and peace.

Robert

QBLOG #14- A piece of home

BLOG #14-A piece of home

…and the bombings continue as does the mayhem. In the middle of all this there is a little piece of home for the Soldiers, Airmen, Marines and Seamen that are deployed here. It is called the P/X or B/X. P/X stands for Post Exchange (found on Army installations or Army Posts). B/X stands for Base Exchange (found on Air Force, Navy and Marine bases). The Army and Air Force Exchange services primarily Army and Air Force personnel. All service members, however, are allowed to shop an AAFES exchange, a Marine exchange or a Navy exchange.

I was at the grand opening of a food court/Burger King in the International Zone last weekend. This was a pretty big thing. Burger King, here, in Iraq. Along with Burger King, we have Popeye’s, Subway, Pizza Hut, Green Beans Coffee houses and soon, a Cinnabon. We provide barber and beauty shops where you can get a haircut for as little as $3.00. There is a pressing service where it costs you only $2.00 to have a set of BDU’s ironed and usually ready within an hour or two. We have gift shops, jewelry, photo processing, engraving, tailoring, a carpet shop, a plant shop and even a place to buy a new car or a Hardley Davidson. AT&T phone centers are ours, as is Western Union. We even have roving vendors selling souvenirs and Bazaar’s run by local vendor’s selling everything from chewing gum to electronics. All of this in the ancient land of Mesopotamia, now known as Iraq, the land between two rivers.

It is in this land that I find myself in the midst of old and new. Here where I sit in an air conditioned trailer working for the American Government in Iraq. I can say that almost every Sunday we hear sporadic gunfire going off in the very near distance. Not until I flew to CPA, in the light of day, was I able to see how close we are to the city of Baghdad. As we flew into the sky last weekend, and over the city, I could see the familiar rush hour traffic I’ve seen in every major city I’ve been. Except it was not heavy traffic alone that created this large line of stacked cars. As we flew on I could see that there were a set of Hummvees that pulled an Iraqi car off to the side. People were standing outside the car. Traffic had been stopped several meters before this. A tinge of fear ran through my body. And we flew on. We were in the sky a total of five minutes. We landed safely at CPA (Coalition Provisional Authority)/IZ (International Zone). We only had to walk a few hundred yards to reach the PX. It is right across from The Palace, which is currently serving as the U.S. Embassy.

My cell phone worked here. I was happy because my friend Eddie Sanders has been living in Baghdad since late 2003. This was an opportunity to see him. He lives in the Red Zone, the unprotected part of Baghdad. We were able to make arrangements and spent a few hours in the late afternoon together before he had to leave. He said that the gates to the IZ from the Red Zone closed at 5:00 and he needed to be back before then. It was great to see and visit with Eddie. I wished that we were able to see each other more often. Unfortunately, the atmosphere doesn’t allow it. We are, after all, in a war.

There is some complacency, but reality always comes back when you “suit up” and head out the front gate to patrol, or on a helicopter ride with gunners on either side of the craft. Reality set’s in when those BOOMs hit. Reality is always just a rocket or mortar away. Another dose of reality sets in when you hear the Rattatatat of rifles being fired in the distance. Yet, we wake up, go to work, shop, eat and go about our lives as if all were normal. And it is normal, now. It is so normal that we get complaints from soldiers about not having their brand of toothpaste or hair care. We get complaints for not having a greater variety of food or HBC items, or not having larger TV’s and mini systems. You almost want to laugh. But that is why we are here. To bring a little bit of home to them, and they just want a larger piece of home here. Now. Shopping is the thing that they do when they are not on patrol. You see them lined up, everyday, at the PX or BX or Bazaar. They and we end up getting our hair cut twice as often. You see more guys getting manicures and pedicures. It is what you do when you are not on patrol or working to support those who do patrol. You want to get these soldiers, airmen, seamen and marines whatever they want. You want them to have a little piece of home, and you want it to.

I’ve been part of AAFES for 19 years. I’ve understood and experienced what our true purpose is as an organization twice in my career. Once while stationed in Europe where I had the opportunity to work for two weeks in Kosovo not long after the U.S. and the UN landed there. The second time is now. In my time at HQ’s one feels removed from what our true mission is. Amid the never ending suspense’s and dog and pony shows, one has little time to focus on what the true mission is. I know many at HQ’s who want to move beyond pony shows and focus on our customer, the soldier. The soldier who wants a little piece of the U.S. in a land that is not his or her home. That is what our true purpose is. I hope we discover that again. Many of us have re-discovered it here…in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in Kosovo, in Bosnia and in other places that we support our troops. There is no politics in that support. It does not matter if we are republican or democrat or independent. It doesn’t matter if we agree or disagree with why our troops are where they are. It only matters that we bring a little piece of home to them where they are.


…a piece of home


He is looking up in the sky
It is dark, but the stars shine bright here…
In this desert, this land of old

You see him searching for a place, a star,
Something to guide him back..
Back to a place that is now so far away.

A smile comes across his face.
He’s found the place, the star, the light in the sky
That rouses his memory of a time before he was here

Her arms are filled with snacks and lotion and magazines
Her eyes are tired, but she waits patiently
Until they call, “next” at the cash register.

She places the merchandise, her gifts to herself, on the counter
The total appears and she swipes her Star card and signs the pad,
Suddenly energy appears in her eyes as she carries her bags out the door of the PX

Friends of hers gather round and they talk about the magazine,
And how they wish there were different body washes, or perfume,
But this scented lotion will do, for now, to give her a piece of home.

The basketball court is filled with young wannabe’s
Each shifting the ball between their hands, anxious to play a little ‘hoop’
And bring back that memory of their neighborhood game.

Baseball and football and soccer are being played,
Men and women gathering in their PT’s to form teams…
Playing the game here on this dirt, but it’s better than being out on patrol.

It’s 5:30 a.m. and they start showing up at the gym for PT.
Eyes are heavy, kidding abounds
And then the shouts to line up get every one up and moving around.

It’s out for a run around the lake,
Or an aerobics work out in the gym,
Some just linger and move towards the weights..

A little piece of home is what we have here.
The MWR tent for TV, or internet, or just to sit and read.
The PX for shopping and gathering or whatever you might need.

Here in Iraq, or Qatar or Kuwait. Germany, Korea, a foreign peninsula or straight.
A little piece of home is all that they want, sometimes what they need.
We are here to give it to them, and to try to fill the need, for a little piece of home.


Robert Quintana

QBLOG #13-Marne Express

Q-BLOG #13

Ahhh, the lucky 13! It is beginning to feel like Baghdad is home in a way. Part of that is getting settled into a routine and getting used to the sounds of war all around. It is amazing how we as humans adjust to our environment. I am really hoping that it does not take me long to adjust to the heat. High today will be 86 F. I’m told we will get in to the 120’ and 130’s by July. If only I enjoyed the heat!

I returned last weekend from Taji safely. On the way back, I took what they call the Marne Express. There were 6 stops between Taji and Liberty. This was a great opportunity to see, even if from the seat of a Black Hawk, more of what Iraq looked like. I was seated right next to the gunner on the left side of the helicopter. I asked him if it was ok to take pictures while we were in the air. He gave the thumbs up. Since you cannot hear above the noise of the rotors, you learn to sign or write everything on a note pad, like the name of the place you want to get off at.

It was an exciting ride and I was able to see some of the country outside of Baghdad and to see the river Tigris. Our second to last stop was the Green Zone in Baghdad. As we flew into the Green Zone I finally understood why it is called the Green Zone, there were parks and trees and everything you would expect in a large metropolitan city. There were tall buildings and sprawling roads and walkways. Since this is the desert, and you can see what many of the neighborhoods here look like, in the Green Zone, it was green and beautiful. My understanding is that it is very lush, especially for the desert, but with very little humidity. I also believe, even though many still refer to it as the Green Zone, it is now officially, the International Zone.

We were only on the ground for a few minutes and then off again. Last stop Camp Liberty. Do you know the feeling you have, when you’ve been on a long trip and when you finally get into your city, you relax and are glad to be home. That is how it felt coming into Liberty. It isn’t my “Home” but it is my home. My little room in the desert and I was glad to be back.

I’m going to stop now. I just finished writing 3 other paragraphs and the power went out. They were not saved. I’m a bit tired and the temperature is rising. The A/C in our office went out two days ago, so it is not pleasant. Sorry for the shortness of this one, but I just can’t bear to write the three paragraphs over at this point!

Cheers from Baghdad!

Robert

QBLOG #12-Taji

BLOG 12 - Taji

Many of you on this list do not work for AAFES and know little if anything about who we are and what we do. AAFES is the Army and Air Force Exchange Service, the company I work for. We are part of the U.S.Government, under the Department of Defense. Our primary mission is to supply goods and services to soldiers and airmen where ever they may be and to provide funds for MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation). They in turn builds gyms, car care centers, day care, bowling alleys and other MWR services. Over 50% of our earnings are given to MWR.
I am in Iraq in support of that mission and for out troops.

As part of my job here, I and my colleagues are responsible for insuring that we are getting the right product to our stores and attempting to reduce a large inventory the was accumulated due to many factors that I won't go into. Thus, the title of this Blog, Taji. I am at our Distribution Center (DC) in Taji going through 300 containers and identifying merchandise that needs to be moved to our facilities. We chose Taji for a DC because it already had a warehouse and living quarters available and it is right in the middle of our two largest stores, Balad and Liberty. Unfortunately, after we loaded up the DC, the insurgents began hitting the roads hard with IED's and we were unable to move any merchandise out of Taji consistently or safely.

I flew out Friday afternoon on a Black Hawk helicopter. There are always at least two Black Hawks travelling. Ten of us were headed from Liberty to Taji. Eight of us were civilian. Five were assigned to each Black Hawk, which had crews of 4. A pilot, co-pilot and two gunners. We are 45 minutes away from Taji by car, but the roads are still too dangerous to travel. By Black Hawk, we are 10 minutes away.

As the ten of us hopped on board in full gear (kevlar vests and helmets), we were instructed to strap ourselves in and prepare for take off. The temperatures were already in the upper 80's and sweat began to pour down my face. There is no A/C in a Black Hawk, that is, no A/C other than open doors. Ours were soon shut. I watched as the gunners prepared the craft for take off. Each taking great care to saddle up with their head gear, checking communication with the pilots, looking over the aircraft and making sure each of us were securely strapped. Finally, they closed the pilots door, gathered up communication cords and crawled in behind their guns. Off we were! Before I knew it we were flying above Baghdad. This was my first opportunity to see this famed city. As we travelled on the outskirts of the city, one could see a distinct divide. Off in the far distance you saw groves of Palm trees with houses huddled in their midst. Then you saw the city, towers of Mosque's reaching to the sky. Most residential buildings seemed to be no higher the 4 or 5 stories and were what I would call pueblo style. Closer to us, the area was less green, Palm trees far and few between. Many of the buildings I could see were obviously damaged from the war. No windows. Parts of the building were crumbling.
Cars were abandoned and the streets deserted or with only very few people. Then there was the freeway, filled with cars, moving beyond the borders that we were now approaching and flying over; the green zone, in the center of Baghdad.

A few minutes outside of Baghdad we were turned sharp and began a quick descent towards a runway. In minutes we were down on the ground and out of the Black Hawk. Our ride was over. I was greeted by our store manager at Taji, Paula Manning. She welcomed me to Taji and said my bed was ready at the Taji Hilton. She informed me that there had been a major attack at the South gate and that minutes before we landed, two medivac helicopters left with the injured soliders on board.
No one was killed. We went about our business and I settled in for the night.

Now the Taji Hilton is no where near the standard of a regular Hilton hotel. But for Iraq, and with what we have, it was pretty darn good. I had a real bed, carpet on the floor, air conditioning and only had to walk downstairs to a shared bathroom. The Taji Hilton also houses ALL the AAFES employees working at Taji, to include the Distribution Center and Main Store. Everyone shares a room. Think of a Dorm room, but smaller. The Main Store is open 24 hours a day. This is to support the pilots and soldiers who come in off missions at different hours of the day. Our motto is, "We go where you go", and we do.

Work began early Saturday. As the heat rose, the containers we were working in became quite hot. This isn't even the first wave of heat they tell me! We finished up and joined a group for dinner at the DFAC. Afterward we went to the store to see how sales were. The store had just received 100 lap tops that many here have been waiting for. By the end of the evening, 75 of those 100 lap tops were sold. It was amazing! At 8:30 Paula asked if I wanted to go with her to the airfield to pick up Juan, her Loss Prevention detective. We went to the airfield. It is dark. You see the air field lights, blue and red, mapping out the runway. We are sitting in our Pajero SUV talking and waiting for the flight to come in. Just as two Black Hawks are landing we hear the rumble of two large supply trucks pulling in next to us. They park and quickly, you hear the gate fall down and the sound of people jumping, the clattering of rifles against armour and a feeling of RUSH and EXCITEMENT fill the air. Remember it is dark, and we only see the silhouette of soldiers with their helmets on and night vision goggles sticking out like some strange antenae for humans. Orders are barked and the soldiers rush away down toward the air strip. More orders are barked and you see the dark outlines standing in formation. We wait. We both are asking each other where are our cameras (not that we could take pictures, but the whole scene is just cool)! The Black Hawks take off. The soldiers are still on the runway. A few minutes pass and you hear a different sound in the distance. You can only hear. You cannot see. All military aircraft fly without their lights at night, until they are within meters of their landing site, and then the lights come on. Even without seeing the aircraft, we both know it is the sound of a Chinook. We had assumed it would be primarily because of the number of soldiers. A Black Hawk can only carry 10 passengers. A Chinook, is more like 20. Sure enough, two Chinooks suddenly appeared with their lights shining out of the dark sky. The whooomp! whooomp! of their blades and engines acknowledging their arrival.

We find out later that those soldiers were going out on a mission to find/raid a suspected insurgency hiding place. Earlier that day, several Black Hawks were shot at and hit. No injuries, other than the Black Hawks themselves. Because of this, many flights out of Taji have been cancelled for the next day. The one flight I am able to be booked on, I must decline because I needed at least another half day to work containers.

Tonight I am writing you from the Taji DC. The day has been productive and the temperature was pleasant. This evening there appear to be dust storms in the distance. You cannot see the horizon. The sun is peering through this dust, but it looks like the moon. The sky is grey, but their are no clouds. It is strange...and curious. It is the way things are here. Strange and curious. There is a war still being fought in the streets of Baghdad, Mosul, Fallujah and other places in Iraq. We hear of many civilians and Iraqi forces being killed every day. Car bombs and IED's and attacks on gates at the entrances to American and coalition force installations occur regularly. Yet, I feel safe here. You talk to others and they say the same thing. They feel safe. Strange and curious.

This Blog may be a bit scattered. My apologies. I had a whole different idea and topic in mind, but so much has occured in the two days I've been here that I felt I needed to write it down and decided to share it. So this is mostly how I write in my journal. Scattered thoughts that are joined by some little idea that pops into my head and leads me to the next thought, seemingly unrelated.

There is still so much to write about: my interaction with some of our local Iraqi employees ere and with our third country national employees. The incredible generosity they show in small but significant ways. The human touch, in a world torn by war-by greed-by power hungry people-by power hungry nations, is what we should always look for and always be ready to give. The human touch. Slow down, be joyful for the incredible things we have that don't cost a dime. Be thankful for the incredible things we have that do. The world is not America...and America is not the world. We should not expect either to be.

Being here, my faith in man kind is renewed. People caring about people. Not about what they are going to wear. Not about the car they drive. Not about the places they are seen or about money they make. It is About people. About relationships and giving and receiving humbly. Amazing things. Miracles if you will. Miracles every day and I am blessed to be able to bear witness.

Be a miracle in someones life. Reach out and love someone. Hug someone. Let one person know that you really care. Give them an hour or two of your time...uninterrupted by TV, Cell phones, radios or anything else. See what miracle you find and create.

Blessings from Taji, Iraq.

Choose Love, not Fear.

Robert