Falcon or Phoenix

Last Tuesday night and Wednesday morning was a bit scary. It was about 10:30 pm when I was waken by a thunderous sound that shook my trailer. A mortar round I thought to myself. Seconds later another "BOOM!", much closer...then another...and another....I counted 15 BOOMS before I could not count fast enough. Fear ran through my body. My mind was racing, thinking, knowing that it has finally happened, they've run the gate and they are coming through. That is what it felt like. I finally had enough nerve to open my door to see what I could see. It is almost midnight. There is a big glow in the distant sky south of us. More BOOMS! It is hard to tell where it is. It looks like it is coming from the Slayer gate. This gate is right off Road Irish that runs from Baghdad International Airport into central Baghdad. I'm nervous and imagining the worst. I can't sleep and turn on the TV to see if any of the US news agencies have anything. FOX news is reporting that the ammo depot at Falcon is exploding. It is 1:30 a.m. I'm relieved in one way and concerned about the folks at Falcon. We do have a PX there and the Team Leader was at Liberty Tuesday morning talking to us before she returned to Falcon. I know she is there and I pray that her and everyone else at Falcon are safe.

The next day all talk was about explosions that night. We confirm no one was injured but there is quite a bit of damage to several buildings. We often speak of complacency in the war zone. We get used to hearing the mortars come in and the machine guns ratatatatting just outside the walls of Liberty. We begin to ignore the "BIG VOICE" when it sounds because the reality is you cannot understand a word that is being broadcast. We leave our flak jackets and Kevlar helmets in our rooms, we get upset when the guards at the DFAC or Gym change their routine and we have to be searched. We get comfortable and forget that a raging war is just outside the relative safety of these brick walls. We have to wait for an incident like that at Falcon to wake us from our complacency, if only for a day.

It is an interesting view of how some of us live life. We go through our days, weeks, months and years shutting out the chaos that surrounds us. If we focused on the chaos we would become overwhelmed and depressed at the state of our city, states, country and world. Our survival, mental and emotional, often depend on our ability to shut out the madness and focus on our small piece of life. We feel if we can control that small piece we can survive. Our struggle is to maintain that balance and take small steps forward if we can. We are not always successful and our house of cards can come crashing down around us. The balance is lost for a time. Resiliency is ours though, and we fight to gain back the balance.

During my time in Iraq this year, much of what I have experienced and felt has been somber if not downright depressing. It is different from last year when despite the war, I found many positive things, especially within my self. It is not that there have not been positive insights or experiences this year. It has just been different. It is in that difference I am discovering the jewel in the rough. It took the fire at Falcon for me to understand that discovery and see the jewel through the smoke and fire. It is the rebirth of the Phoenix through fire. This symbolism is significant, as it is fire through which we are tested and made stronger. It is the gathering up of our ashes and understanding that there is nowhere to go but up and forward. We each have trials and tribulations, our fires, that we must go through. Yet there is a renewing spirit in the ashes of our fire experience. Many of us come out understanding what is truly important in our lives. Similar to the great Japanese Swords of the 13th century, we come out with layers of experience that are hammered and heated into a tool that prepares us to defend ourselves, but with a heart that knows we are connected to each other and offers those layers of experience to help others learn their way. It gives us an opportunity to offer hope for those who have yet to experience the rebirthing power of their own Phoenix.

Life brings us many things. Each of those things is an opportunity for us to gather information and form it into a tool that we can use. I wonder what kind of tool will be formed from my life experiences. More importantly I wonder how I will use that tool.

The Legend of the Phoenix
The bird proudly willing to burn,
So that he may live again,
Chooses the flames of fires
That burn the aged Phoenix
The nature stands still
Till a new young bird starts again,
and begins the legend of the Phoenix.

- Claudian (Roman author)

Japanese Sword Making: (from Victorian.fortunecity.com)

"...to produce their best blades the Japanese sword makers used a much more intricate process. For the core, or interior, of the blade, they used a comparatively soft, laminated metal that would resist breaking. The blade's exterior and edge, however, were made of different grades of hard steel welded together in a sandwich that was folded and hammered out as many as 20 times or more, giving it more than a million laminations! This outer "skin" of steel could be made even harder by first heating the sword and then suddenly cooling it. As a final step the master swordsmith would cover the roughly finished blade with a thick layer of adhesive material, mostly clay, leaving only the edge exposed, and heat the blade until the glowing metal reached the right shade of color. The best way to judge this crucially delicate stage was to work in a darkened room. Then with prayer, the sword maker would plunge the heated blade into water. The exposed edge cooled instantly while the rest of the blade, protected by the clay, cooled slowly and remained comparatively soft. The final result was a sword blade of soft non-brittle metal enclosed in a thin layer of hard steel. About one fifth of an inch of its edge was made of metal so hard that it held a razor sharpness during repeated use in battle. "


We choose to make our experiences tools or weapons. Which do you choose?

Robert