Q-Blog #24-Mandatum novum do vobis

For those that do not know, I have decided to volunteer for duty in Iraq again. I am currently at Ft. Benning and should arrive in Iraq sometime next week.

I've been asked over and over again why I've done this thing that appears to be on the verge of crazy. I've only been able to answer that I have this feeling deep inside me that calls me to return. In many ways I feel, not that I left a job undone, but that I have more yet to do. The 'more yet to do' has nothing to do with work, but more to do with this puzzle of my life I've been creating and placing the pieces together as I discover them.

This has been more difficult than my first deployment. I did volunteer and up until approximately 3 weeks ago, I felt quite comfortable with my decision. I knew what I felt. Yet, as time grew closer I began to pay more attention to the news and then I had a thought that I could not speak. I would not speak it. It was too frightening to say the words. Then there was Remington, my dog. He is an active 4 year old Weimeraner, an emminence grey or also known as the 'grey ghost'. I had not found a home for him yet. At close to 100lbs, and an indoor dog, this was not an easy task. My friend Chris Tyler and his family, who kept Remington last year during my deployement are now living in Germany and were not available to care for Remy this time.

My friends Jeanne McDonald and Lisa Moak had offered to share him for the 6 months I would be deployed but Remy and their dogs did not seem to hit it off. Wednesday 12 April, three days before I was to leave, I was becoming desperate. In my desperation my friend Anthony remembered that a friend of ours, Johnice, whom I had met 2 years ago, had two Weimeraner's. A phone call to Johnice soon resulted in a visit and an overnight stay for Remington to see if everyone got along.I woke up at 3a.m on Thursday morning (13 Apr) to get a drink of water. I saw that my cell phone's light was on, as I had it on silent. When I realized it was Johnice's number, I immediately returned her call. She had Remington at the Emergency animal clininc. Remington's stomach had turned over on itself and was shutting off oxygen and blood. I had heard that this was a common occurence in this breed. If it had not been for Johnice knowing the signs and getting Remington to the clininc for emergency surgery, he would be dead. If he had been with me or anyone else that was not familiar with Weimeraner's, I am sure he would not have survived. I knew Johnice was the right person and I believe she felt the same way.

Why am I telling this story? Because it turned me upside down and showed me that I had nothing to fear in going to Iraq. How? Remember I stated that up until about 3 weeks ago, I was comfortable going to Iraq. Then I began to feel ominous about it. The thought that I could not speak was that I was going to die in Iraq. That is what it felt like. And yet, I knew I had to go. I still felt the call to go, but I was scared as hell. Then Remington had his close call with death, but came out of a major surgery walking....something that the Veterinarian said he would not be able to do for at least 5-12 days. He began eating and playing within 2 days. In many ways this was a miracle. This was my sign that I would go through a difficult experience in Iraq, possibly even a "death" of sorts, but I would come out if it better.

I am calm again. I know that what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing. I doubted my feelings for 3 weeks, praying and trying in subtle ways not to go to Iraq but not saying I did not want to go. Every barrier I put up was quickly taken down. The last barrier, finding Remington a home that he would be happy in, turned into a blessing. His touch with death and his recovery made me realize that what I had been feeling for the past 3 weeks was a fear of facing myself emotionally and spiritually. There is a need to let go of baggage that I've become comfortable with even though it is slowly drowning me.

As I was relaying this story to my friend Tim Palmer, I realized there is more significance in this experience. It took place during the Lenten season. Thursday was Maundy Thursday. This day has been more significant to me in my past than almost any other. This is the day of the Last Supper, the time when Jesus washes the feet of his disciples and ask them to serve others as he has served them. Maundy is a Middle- English word derived from the French mand from Latin mandamentum(commandment). The words of liturgy for this day, Mandatum novum do vobis “a new commandment I give unto you” (John xiii:34)...serve others as I have served you.

I now head for Kuwait and then onto Iraq returning to the land that is known as the 'root of mankind'. The words, "...serve others as I have served you" will be on my mind as I work to assist others in serving our men and women in the armed forces. I am not sure what I will face, but I do feel that there will be a 'new commandment' waiting for me as well as some new pieces for that puzzle of mine.

Remember, choose love over fear.

Blessings and peace,
Robert