Q-BLOG #22 Forgiveness

As the end of each week approaches in Iraq, I find myself searching for something new to write for a Blog. There are fleeting moments of excitement when I feel I’ve come across a situation or a thought that would be the perfect thing to write about. And then it passes as quickly as the rain from a cloud burst falls. That coupled with the heat and the general feeling of being tired has stumped my writing.

The past two weeks however, have continually placed two thoughts in my head, love and forgiveness. In almost every venue I’ve placed myself, in every circumstance I have been involved, these two words stand out like a set of lights down a dark lonely road in the middle of a desert. How can one think of love and forgiveness when you find death and war and poverty and destruction surrounding you? Maybe these things of darkness in this desert are the things that call love and forgiveness, these two lights, to shine.

I recently read the latest Harry Potter book. Toward the end of the book Harry and Prof. Dumbledore are discussing how Harry as a child, survived Lord Voldemort’s attack. It was through love; the love Harry’s parents had for him. They choose love instead of fear. Though they died, Harry lived. It is love that evil underestimates. It is love that fear and evil know nothing of. For that reason, it is love that will conquer evil and fear. When we react out of fear towards evil, we give evil more power. For it is fear that evil knows best. I think of two modern examples that show love conquering fear; Ghandi in India and Martin Luther King in the United States. For them and those who followed them, love in the form of non-violence was the secret weapon to fight the evil of injustice and prejudice. As a man about to be betrayed and taken away to be crucified, Christ also taught us that love was by far more powerful than any weapon evil could bring forth. Yet today we have fear being spread like a wildfire in a dense forest. Love, it seems, is being smoked out, burned to the ground or separated by barriers of words that ring out with beginnings such as un- and anti-. Revenge, hate and prejudice are all products of fear.

As the smoke rises and thickens, hate and fear begin to fill our hearts. When, or IF we see through the smoke we may become ashamed of the things we did or did not do out of fear. We can forgive others. People may forgive us. Nations may forgive us. God does forgive us. But do we forgive ourselves? Do we forgive ourselves?

Several years ago I had the privilege of being a youth minister for a Catholic church in San Antonio. In many ways this time was a crossroads in my life. I was strongly considering entering the priesthood and leaving what I had thought was my “evil” past behind me. Our youth group was on a retreat. Part of the retreat included a time for receiving the sacrament of reconciliation prior to receiving the Eucharist. Somehow I was chosen to give a talk on the importance of absolution and confession. I was very nervous about this for more reasons than I care to go into. I hid myself away to a quiet corner outside of the retreat center praying that somehow God would give me the courage and the words to enlighten these 9th graders. The words came. They were few and simple.

“I’m here to talk about confession and reconciliation with God and why it is important. Many of you have probably done things that you are not proud of, or have not done things that you wish you would have. I know I have. Many times I felt alone and that no one could possibly love me if they knew what I had done, or what I had failed to do. Yet, we’ve all learned, God is there for us, and truly has already forgiven us for anything we may have or have not done. Confession isn’t necessarily about asking for God’s forgiveness. Confession is about asking God to help us forgive ourselves and to love ourselves. Confession is our opportunity to say out loud what we are afraid to forgive ourselves for. When we say it outloud and know in our hearts we are sorry for it, we can then begin to forgive ourselves for the thing that God has already forgiven. It is through letting go of our shame and guilt that we are then able to reconcile ourselves with God and each other.”

Now the Priest was not particularly happy with my version of what confession was about, but every person in that building went to confession that evening. Confession is an act of love toward yourself, and thus towards the universe. When we keep shame and fear in, we create more fear and doubt. That in turn is sent out into the universe. When we act out of love for ourselves and others, we are reconciled to them and to the universe.

There is a book titled, “The New Man”. It is a reflection on the parables of Jesus. The author uses Jesus’ first miracle to present his interpretation of different levels of spiritual understanding. I have found this also fits my understanding of people and why they may act in certain ways. There are three levels of spiritual understanding presented. They are physical (represented by the stone jar at the wedding of Cana), psychological (represented by the water in the stone jar) and love (represented by the water turning to wine in the stone jar). If you take the commandment, ‘Thou shalt not kill’ and apply it to these 3 levels, you begin to get a clearer understanding. The first level of understanding would be, I will not kill anyone physically. The second level of understanding would be, I will also not kill anyone psychologically, as in verbal or mental abuse. It is easy to imagine that a psychological death would be worse than physical, as your spirit would be beaten, but you continue to suffer while living with emotional death everyday. And the third level is simply love. You love so much that neither physical or emotional death enters your thought or ability. You simply Love at all costs. Ghandi. Martin Luther King. Jesus Christ. Stone jar. Water to wine. Forgiveness. Love and the shedding of ones blood out of love.

Imagine yourself entering that third level of understanding. You call on love to help you forgive yourself. You call on the universe to show you love instead of fear. You give the universe love and there is no fear.

Forgiveness…
Love…
No fear.

Imagine.

Robert