Q-BLOG#5 - Innocence survives

I wonder every day what it must be like to be one of these soldiers. One of these young men or women who joined the military for different reasons. Some joined for the GI Bill in order to further their education. Some because their families are military and it is tradition. Maybe it was personal conviction or it was the only job they could get at the time. I am sure there are many other reasons. I think about how I would feel if I was told that I would be deployed and going into a war situation, as a soldier. I remember when I turned 18 and had to register for “Selective Service”. The thought of the possibility of going to war, of having to fight or kill another human being, was unnerving. There I went, though, to my local post office and registered. The Vietnam war was still very fresh in our minds.

I marvel at these young people all around me. Most are still maturing physically. You can see the difference though, in their faces. Those who have not had to encounter the ‘enemy’ and those who have, there is a difference. That type of encounter obviously matures you quickly. The innocence in their eyes is gone. The shiny glow of youth on their skin is replaced by a film of dirt and grime.

Innocence survives though, and remains deep within them. They hold it safe in a place inside that no one can touch. Sometimes not even they can touch it. Yet, innocence is there. It is amazing how the human body and the human spirit can rally to protect themselves. We can build these elaborate chambers within ourselves to hide, to protect us. Sometimes we forget that we’ve built them. We forget that we were ever innocent.

My dear friend Tim Palmer and I participated in a body and spirit awareness program a few years ago that was held in upstate New York. The program was called, “Body Electric/Body Erotic”. We were not able to complete the full course, but the weekend was a huge turning point for me, partly because I met Jay Hill. Jay taught me an important lesson that weekend about power and surrender. The other reason was because of the grace I encountered on the drive back to the City with Tim. Tim had wanted me to listen to this sermon, and the drive back was perfect for it. Halfway through the sermon we were both in tears. The basic premise is that when we are born, how we were greeted into the world impacts the way we perceive the world. Our childhood memories are then based on that perception. Understand, this is not a blaming tool or game. It is simply something to be aware in understanding our memories and how we may act or react as adults. We may begin hiding, protecting, our innocence – our spirit. As a child you don’t understand the circumstances, you only react to protect yourself if you feel you are being assaulted, physically or spiritually.

And so I see this sea of innocence, being protected, wanting to get out and enjoy life. To live life. But they can’t right now, or they don’t know how. They feel threatened.

After searching half a life time for everything the world told her would make her happy, my friend Tricia found her innocence. She named her Trixie. Trixie was the child she had hidden from the world and from herself. She had persued all the things she was taught and told would make her happy. But she was never really happy. After spending an evening with Tricia and her telling me about and letting me get to know Trixie, I was overcome with joy and sorrow. Joy, because Tricia had discovered her innocence, Trixie. Sorrow because I knew I had yet to discover my own and I knew he was buried very deep. In celebration of Trixie and Tricia, I wrote this poem.

Trish’s (Trixie’s) Poem

Light of my world,
lite in my soul...

Seeking growth,
through someone else....

Searching my heart
for right and wrong...

Getting my answers
from a world that I don’t belong.

Light of my world
Artificial in my soul...

Enclosed in a world of glass and steel.
Growing older,
But not any smarter...
Growing backward...
Not knowing myself...

Light of my world,
breaking through the lies

Finding my truth...
Deep inside...

Planting my seeds
In fertile soil...
Not artificial,
Or in someone else’s dirt or toil.

Light in my soul!
I’ve found by world!...

It has no walls, no glass, no steel, no top...
So my soul flies free
seeking out others that are similar to me.

Light in my soul!
Light in my world!

No darkness...

No fear...

Only God & me.

I close this blog with a thought of innocence. See your children or children around you. Watch them when they are left to play and see the joy in their faces and hear it in their laughs and screams! Then look deep inside…or maybe not so deep inside, and find that same joy in yourself. Find your Trixie or you Larry.

Remember, make your decisions from Love not fear.

Blessings!
Robert